Star Wars Droid BB-8 is to join the Madame Tussauds line up…well there’s so many gaps after they melted Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris
Boris Johnson has been unusually quiet over the IDS and Osborne fall out. He hasn’t been left this speechless since that paternity test…
Shetland is to get its first pizzeria. They used to have loads, but one closed, then another, then another and another…it’s called the domino effect.
Matthew Perry has written off a Friends reunion as he doesn’t want to ruin how it ended, that’s the show, not his career.
Project FishLove sees celebrities posing naked with various fish to highlight overfishing. Adele was delicately dressed with a special fish supper…No that’s over eating fish…
Willie Rennie was refused entry into Amazon in Dunfermline. He was handed in to a factory next door who said they’d hand him in later.
Tracey Emin has married a stone. She thinks it Keef but it might me Mick, or Charlie…she isn’t sure.
British troops have tested a Harry Potter-style invisibility cloak which allows them to hide from the enemy. You know, just a minor point but see if I was engaged in warfare in 2016, (fighting against Isis) I’d prefer something more traditional like a tank.
Edward Fox told women to accept their husband will cheat and to leave money matters to them…Sounds like just the man to be an administrator in women’s Tennis.
Justin Bieber has decided to cancel fan meet and greets because they leave him ‘mentally and emotionally exhausted to the point of depression’…Sounds like a review of his latest album.
Police are asking questions and appealing for information about a ‘distinctive’ horsebox was stolen in Dunfermline, otherwise known as Katie Hopkins car.
A hamper containing Pimms, a mini pork pie and two cupcakes will be given to those attending the Queen’s birthday picnic…One lucky winner though will receive a special one-off, a portrait of the Queen by Rolf Harris.
The UK’s top cop Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe said banks shouldn’t refund victims of online fraud, claiming it ‘rewards’ bad security. Customers instead should be incentivised to update anti-virus software and improve passwords. Right let’s try his…TOPCOP999 kerrching, we’re in…