Forget Trump. Give Me Vermin Supreme.

trump idiot face


Super Tuesday

Since Donald Trump announced his intention to seek the Republican nomination for president, the situation continues to fascinate, beguile and become more horrifying with each passing day.

It’s an unstoppable showbiz car crash. Part vaudeville, part dark comedic Philip Roth or Thomas Wolfe novel, slaughtered down to a bite size mini TV series. Like an old wild-west travelling freak show, where you can’t take your eyes off the weirdo and your emotions are tied between laughing and crying at the outlandish appearance and in this case, Trump’s outrageous remarks. Now the idiot could become President. Can someone with a brain maybe just outwit him? Where’s Vermin Supreme when we need him?

If this was happening in the UK, it would be a nauseating morass, a spiteful soup of right-wing Ukippery, led by some kind of self made rich Jeremy Kyle, Gordon Ramsay or Shane Ritchie amalgam. The type ‘who talk sense about The Muslims, immigration and making our country great again’. Playing to people who watch them on TV all day, appealing to the lowest common denominator.

That would be too easy though. Let’s blame it on the dumb, huddled masses. No, the there’s plenty of smug, mostly white middle-class types being seduced and duped by the American dream narrative. In some ways, it could only happen in America. What I find unsettling is the actual mindset of anyone who finds Trump’s qualities appealing? Look at that emblazoned gold T on my toilet seat? Wow…I just love his garish tacky 1980’s porn set taste and dig that decadent opulence.

There have been many distasteful moments, banning Muslims, Mexicans sending rapists to America, his security detail choking and beating a photographer. The most ludicrous for me was when one of his aides, said, ‘Donald look at the lyrics to Al Wilson’s the Snake.’

There he was, all over social media quoting the words of ‘The Snake’ by Al Wilson. I love the song, it was a great favourite when I DJ’d. He used it as an allegory for racist Muslims who were snakes and untrustworthy and responding wickedly to the kindness of the nice (no doubt American) woman who took them in.

To most soul and music fans, I may be alone in this but I always figured – in my sick allegory – that the snake in the song was in the guy’s pants. To me the snake being revived was always a song about Boaby. A song of priapic proportion and when he was biting her he wasn’t actually biting her, if you get my drift.

For the intellectual behemoth, the cerebral colossus that is Trump, it was a new low, twisting the words of a soul classic. Every word became poisonous, his interpretation deliberately chosen to cause maximum distaste.

Trump isn’t dumb and knows exactly what he’s doing. Playing on the Lets Make America Great Again card, he’s pandering to the football beer gutted small ‘r’ racists. Why should we give our tax dollars to refugees, Muslims, who bombed New York? It’s a dangerous game Trump’s playing. But he’s perfectly aware of what he’s doing.

Sadly, the opposition, Hilary Clinton comes across like her Madame Tussuads’ waxwork has been injected with crystal meth and two jump leads clipped to her backside to jolt her into some kind of movement. She is also very unfortunate, as a politician, to have a voice which grates and grinds on and on, scraping like a needle at the end of an album which has clipped and stuck on a repeating groove and been left on, even though the party’s was over hours ago. Her voice just goes through me, I’m not sure if I could listen to her voice for another four years.


Trump loved fame before he was this famous. He courted it, he even had a reality TV show. If there is one thing he’s doing brilliantly it’s playing the media game. He’s bringing the TV showbiz world into the world of politics and turning it into a huge game. If you don’t think it’s a game driven by fame and power and the media, why don’t we hear more of the eccentrics? My favourite is Vermin Supreme a performance artist and activist who wears a big boot for a hat and carries a large toothbrush. His campaign is based on an insistence that people brush their teeth and promotes a brand of zombie apocalypse awareness and time travel research, if he wins every American will also be given free pony.

Trump is at the part of the show when there’s no longer any need for subtlety. It’s not something you’ll hear on The West Wing but with Trump, we’ve now entered what I like to call the fuck you scenario. He can say or do anything he wants and get away with it.


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