More News From Nowhere…

Nick Clegg confesses he quit politics some years ago and is actually a successful artisan cheese-maker, who does a bit of politics at the weekend to keep his hand in.

UEFA to bring in tattoo ban…

Uber-cool restaurant in the West End has to close after using plates instead of breadboards and slate from nearby roofs.

‘The plates idea was clearly too radical’ says boss.

Advisers suggest Jim Murphy start the bevy as a tea total fitness freak can’t truly represent Scottish Labour. Confusion continues as he clouds the issue by standing for Westminster seat. Old hairy nostrils AKA Professor John Curtice was left stumped, adding, ‘maybe he doesn’t know were Scotland is?’

Bob Dylan shocks millions of fans worldwide by announcing he knew the answer all along.
“They fell hook, line and sinker for it…’ The reluctant, spokesperson for a generation continued to grumble…’the answer wasn’t blowing in the wind…it was in my waistcoat pocket all the time.’

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